Mediation Myths: It’s Only for an Amicable Divorce

Jul 2, 2025

Many people think that mediation is a tool that is limited to amicable divorces, where both parties are cooperative and agreeable. The truth is the applicability of mediation extends far beyond just friendly separations.

The Reality: Beyond the "Friendly" Facade

Mediation is a powerful and effective tool in any divorce case where both clients share a fundamental commitment to:

Resolving their divorce outside of court intervention: They desire to maintain control over the outcome rather than leaving it to a judge's decision.
Engaging in a confidential process: They value their privacy and wish to avoid the public nature of courtroom proceedings and filing personal information in the public court record.
Acting in good faith: They are willing to be honest, transparent, cooperative, and genuinely work towards a resolution.

It is important to understand that you and your spouse are not required to be friendly in order to engage in the mediation process. In fact, the very reason that you are pursuing divorce often stems from a breakdown in your relationship. Mediation is designed for various levels of conflict, from relatively smooth separations to highly contentious situations.

While a high level of conflict can undoubtedly make the mediation process more challenging, that does not automatically disqualify a case from being suitable for a successful outcome through mediation. As an experienced mediator, I employ strategies and methods for successfully navigating the different levels of conflict and disagreement that you and your spouse may bring to the table.

Mediation Strategies for High-Conflict Relationships

How can mediation effectively address situations where tensions are high? Here are some approaches:

A Defined and Controlled Methodology: As an experienced mediator, I provide a structured, step-by-step mediation process that builds toward settlement. This well-thought-out and adaptable methodology helps to minimize anxiety and emotions, thereby reducing conflict. By allowing me to guide you through this proven approach, you will feel more secure and less likely to engage in reactive behavior.
Neutral Guidance and Education: As your mediator, I guide you through different legal and financial subject matters in a neutral and unbiased manner. By presenting information objectively, rather than setting up opposing viewpoints, I ensure you are educated and informed on the topics pertinent to your case while also de-escalating tension. Furthermore, sharing education about various options and perspectives broadens understanding and helps you both to move beyond rigid positions.
Exploring Diverse Resolutions: Mediation excels at uncovering creative solutions that go beyond simple compromises. As your mediator, I assist you in exploring multiple ways to resolve issues, highlighting that there isn't usually just one "right" answer. This focus on finding solutions that meet the needs and interests of you both, in some way, can break impasses and foster agreement.

Addressing Power Imbalances:

A concern in high-conflict mediations is the potential for power imbalances between the parties. As an experienced mediator, I recognize these dynamics and implement strategies that create a level playing field. This includes:

Ensuring equal access to all necessary documents, records, and information.
Making sure that you are both equally educated on any topic before decisions are made.
Actively working to bring you both to the same starting point of understanding before expecting you to make informed decisions.

Are All Divorce Cases Suitable for Mediation?

While mediation is a powerful tool, it is not universally applicable. Personally, there are certain facts and situations where I believe my mediation process might not be the best fit for a case. I prioritize open and honest communication and will candidly inform clients if I have concerns about the suitability of mediation for their circumstances.

Furthermore, an important part of a successful mediation is the commitment to act in good faith throughout the process. If, at any point, it becomes clear that either party is not being transparent, is withholding information, engaging in manipulative tactics, or simply not participating in a meaningful way, it raises a red flag. This behavior undermines the commitment to act in good faith that is necessary for successful mediation.

While it is inaccurate to believe that mediation is only for amicable divorces, it is also important to acknowledge that it's not a guaranteed solution for every case.