Preserving Relationships after Divorce

Going through a divorce is stressful and upsetting on many levels. One or both spouses may experience periods of time when they think to themselves, "I hope I never see that person again!" That is not realistic expectation for divorcing spouses who have children together.

There are reasons why an amicable divorce makes sense to preserve your relationship with your co-parent as you redefine your family and find ways to work together in the future, all in the best interest of your children.

Why You Need to Preserve a Post-Divorce Relationship

If you have children together, you will interact with your ex-spouse for the rest of your lives, even when your children become adults. It is important for parents to interact professionally and be able to be in the same room together post-divorce. Studies show that it is not so much the divorce itself that has a negative impact on the children, but how much conflict there is between their parents.

Some examples of events where it is important for you both to be present include:

  • Children’s soccer, baseball, or other sports games.
  • School dance recitals.
  • School or extracurricular musical recitals.
  • School awards ceremonies.
  • Birthdays.
  • Graduations: high school and college.
  • Weddings.
  • Holidays.
  • Births of your children’s babies.
  • Birthdays of your grandchildren.

It is important to children that both of their parents attend these important events. Children do not need to be uncomfortable and worried that there may be conflict when their parents are together. They need to be able to trust that their parents will act professionally and respectfully of each other.

Additionally, some ex-spouses maintain friendly relationships with their former in-laws. They spend time together and may even get together for celebrations. Collaborative Divorce helps spouses adjust to their new family dynamic and develop a healthy co-parenting relationship that is in the best interest of the children.

Collaborative Divorce Assists in Preserving These Relationships Post Divorce

In a Collaborative Divorce, a divorce coach works with the couple to identify which relationships are important and how those will change as they go forward post-divorce. The coach also helps to establish boundaries and expectations for both parties.

The divorce coaches use their skills and expertise to help the spouses talk about their expectations and what type of relationship they hope to have moving forward. They can learn how to co-exist as part of the bigger family structure, as well as establish agreeable expectations and boundaries.

This blog was originally posted on the Sacramento Collaborative Divorce website:

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